Thank you max! And thank you for the crit before, It took me ages to realise there were new comments. I've been chewing over the writing a lot, theres bits I like but that don't read well and I need to work a hell of a lot on my clarity. The word pretentious hit quite hard, so I'm mainly trying to figure that out... It was really helpful though, so really thank you.
I love the second one
ReplyDeleteThank you max! And thank you for the crit before, It took me ages to realise there were new comments. I've been chewing over the writing a lot, theres bits I like but that don't read well and I need to work a hell of a lot on my clarity. The word pretentious hit quite hard, so I'm mainly trying to figure that out... It was really helpful though, so really thank you.
ReplyDeletePretentious isn't a word I like to use, I think I used it because I didn't know a better one. If I had a thesaurus that may have helped :p
ReplyDeletePost it again when you're redone it. I really liked all the pictures of the elephant, Marcel and Andy's comments go RIGHT over my head.
I'm coming down to Falmouth tomorrow! Hope to see you
Oh wow you're moving in proper next door? We were wondering when you'd all start to arrive, marcel is probably going the shining on his own.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you like the pictures because I can't change them, but I'm trying to refit the story. I'll repost only if I manage it!
See you tommorrow.
I agree, pretentious isnt quite the right word ( i know i used it)
ReplyDeleteBut it seemed the most applicable, but possibly more negative than it needed to be.
There needs to be a less negative version of the word pretentious.